||[Nov. 10th, 2006|10:13 pm]
|||||ani- both hands||]|
mum yelled at me for wanting to take a shower. i was so cold that my breasts held
themselves in place. i feel like she is dictating my life. yes, her blessings've been
counted but im still stuck in her world. call me bubble girl if you would.
riley turned 16. shes going to europe. i teared when she kissed her mum and dad.
disfuntional, separated, distant, near non-existant, paradoxical, bland. this is
my family. a few years ago my aunt became enthralled w/ something i did and
so i guess our family's lack of... oomph is my fault. but i didnt do anything
wrong. not by an open minded standard. on the "rich, boring, money mongers" scale
i should have been sent to an institution. no fuck that. i was justified... and still
am. the only thing in the entire world that would have made this situation worse
was if i ended up being gay. ill say no more. i had an apiphany a few days ago. after
kayo came to talk to me. i decided that love is my pace maker, my verb if you would.
every body wants it, yearns for it. is it worth me living my life for love or is it
sub-insanity? nay for it being ridiculous and yay for it being my yellow brick road.
im going to san francisco. i plan to flaunt, strut, beam, exemplify the female kind and
have a fucking GREAT time.